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The Project:

One Mustang directly off the range, One Trainer, Many Students, Communication through body language, Tools used only for safety, never to train

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The Goal:

To discover how far Equestrian Art can be developed solely using body language.

Attention and Confidence

 

The last blog I wrote set off a wonderful train of events and brought up so many corresponding questions. There is always going to be something new ahead, the world is rich and full and we will never get it all done. However, there is something powerfully alive in being on the cutting edge of what we understand and watching it grow.

 

Leadership and Friendship I believe are two sides of the same coin and really we want both in balance and ever increasing detail with our horses. Both Leadership and Friendship have taken on some negative connotations in horse training. Some feel that, in an effort to be a leader, cruelty becomes condoned. Some feel, if you are a friend to your horses, they become spoiled and difficult and can never really trust or be trusted.

 

Perhaps in an effort toward positivity in this work we might rename these goals or attributes Trust and Companionship.

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I want to build ever more Leadership with my horses, and I believe that is the same thing as building ever more Trust with my horses.

 

I want to build ever more Friendship with my horses and I believe that is the same thing as building deeper and more bonding Companionship with my horses.

 

So how do we do that?

 

In my last blog “step for step, breath for breath,” I explored the idea of being willing to ask questions that might have “No” answers. Leadership comes from the ability to work through those “No” answers and turn them into “Yes.”

 

Moving from discord into harmony is a skill. When we can prove our ability to move the relationship from difficulty to peace, we prove our trustworthiness.

 

Unfortunately we have to touch that discord in order to prove we can be trusted to help life get better. We have to be willing to let life get a little messy in order to prove we can be trusted to bring the relationship back to comfort.

 

This takes some wisdom because there are some situations that are beyond our control. If we try to turn a “No” answer from our horse into a “Yes” and we fail, that doesn’t make us seem very trustworthy. That just turns into an unwinnable fight.

 

We have to have some wisdom about when to be a friend and offer companionship and understanding without changing anything; sometimes emotions are running too hot and too fast to be easily changed.

 

Sometimes we can step in with some pressure because we know a little change of perspective will make everything feel better and prove we can be trusted to lead the way out of discord into harmony.

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Both of these have equal value and I believe are two sides of the same coin.

 

Like a coin however, I think there are some other dimensions also.

 

There are five confidences I aim to continuously build in my relationships with horses. (Thank you to the Parelli organization for bringing these to my attention years ago)

 

  1. Confidence in Self
  2. Confidence in Leader
  3. Confidence in Herd
  4. Confidence in Environment
  5. Confidence in Learning

 

You can see these building by watching where the horse is looking; what are they thinking about?

 

We get better at what we pay attention to, and like most of us, horses tend to like paying attention to what they are already good at. Or, they pay attention to the thing they desperately need more skill with. The first builds confidence; the latter tends to be a day late and a dollar short. We can help them with that by encouraging them to pay attention to their weak skills in calm moments, in times of ease, when stress levels are low and emotions are running smoothly.

 

We know what it looks like when a horse is totally self-absorbed, ears relaxed and attention turned inward. As a skill, this is self-confidence.

 

We know what it looks like when a horse is interested in their leader. Ears and eyes following every movement the leader makes. This skill is confidence in the leader.

 

We know what it looks like when the horse is watching the group, scanning from one individual to the next. This is herd confidence.

 

We know what it looks like when the horse is watching and wanting to focus on and investigate all the objects and environmental variations around him. This is environmental confidence.

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We all know what it looks like when a horse is trying different things to get comfortable, The head coming up and down a little, the body adjusting left and right, the figuring out where in time and space one needs to be to get this right. That is confidence in learning.

 

Sometimes one confidence is so strong it makes up for others that are weak, like a blind person having greater perception in other ways to make up for lack of sight.

 

I believe though, the more we can build and encourage these skills in balance, the better quality of life a horse has.

 

We need to build the skill of leadership, because leadership is synonymous with trust. Our horses have to trust us if we are going to help them strengthen their weaknesses and become the best versions of themselves.

 

Asking our horses to pay attention to us and build confidence in us as a leader requires a sensitivity of timing.

 

Sometimes we need to just be a friend and companion, allowing them to pay attention to the confidence that feels most important to them in the moment.

 

Sometimes we need to put pressure on them to pay attention to something they would rather not, so they become stronger where they were once weak.

 

Here is where it gets interesting. This is a partnership – horses help us as much as we help them.

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How do we set it up so we notice where our attention is? We notice where their attention is, and together we strive to become stronger in a balanced way.

 

How do we learn when to push each other to try a little harder and when to just be good companions letting things be just as they are?

 

Here is to attention and confidence!

 

Hooves and Heartbeats,

Elsa Sinclair

 

EquineClarity.com

TamingWild.com

3 Comments

  1. Great post. One that I will be thinking about for a while. Tanks for sharing your thoughts.

  2. This part made me think for a while:

    “This takes some wisdom because there are some situations that are beyond our control. If we try to turn a “No” answer from our horse into a “Yes” and we fail, that doesn’t make us seem very trustworthy. That just turns into an unwinnable fight.”

    I’d like to share my thoughts on this:
    For a long time I saw it exactly the way you put it, which often ended in frustration over the ‘unwinnable fight’, but over the years (with Carolyn Resnick’s concept of ‘No Fault Insurance’ in mind) I learned that it doesn’t have to be like that. I found out that something can only turn into an unwinnable fight if I perceive it as a potential (win-or-lose) fight to begin with. Or in other words: I can only ‘fail’, if I think in terms of ‘succeeding or failing’ to begin with. If I don’t, then it’s just what it is: a horse (or person, for that matter!) saying ‘No’, nothing more. If I can’t turn this No into a Yes for the time being, that’s okay too. I can just change the subject for that moment to end on a good note, and then think about how I could set up things differently in our next session to improve my chances on getting a Yes on the initial subject after all :-). This realization has brought an incredible amount of peace to my interactions with horses.

    • Marja,
      I agree completely! And you put it perfectly. Thank you!


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