Meditations on Equestrian Art

The Project:

Horses from many walks of life, communication through body language, tools used only for safety, never to train.

The Goal:

To discover how far Equestrian Art can be developed solely using body language.

Taming the Wild Want…

Ari and I were standing on the hillside together breathing hard for a moment as we regained our composure. Ari licked and chewed and snorted as I looked out over the valley and thought about my next choices.

I am reminded time and again that training horses in collaboration with their needs and wants is a journey of self-discovery and often an exercise of taming my wild wants.

All independent beings have a tendency to want what they want when they want it. Then for most of us independent beings, we find one of the things we want is to be in a relationship with another being of equal status that also wants what they want when they want it.

If what I want and what my partner wants is valued equally what do we do when those wants appear to be opposed?

On this particular day, this conundrum is what Ari and I were navigating.

Ari wanted to nap under his favorite tree in the paddock. I had placed a bucket out in the woods for me to sit on or stand on, I wanted Ari to take a walk with me out to the woods to find it, then he could resume his nap while I sat beside him. A simple game we had played before and one I thought was well within our range of capability.

After a few minutes of being together and exchanging the pleasantries of the day I asked Ari to walk with me. Ari took a few steps and stopped so I asked again and he again took a few steps and stopped.

Ari wanted to nap, I wanted to walk and I thought I could talk him around to my point of view so I kept asking. However, here is what happens when two independent beings have opposing wants: Fight, Flight or Freeze.

I often think Ari has a bit of a sense of humor in this relationship we are building. I ask him to take a walk too many times and so he does, but then he keeps on picking up speed until we are running through the woods side by side right past the bucket that was my goal all the way to the far side. We regroup for a moment, enjoy the view together, then I ask him to walk again and he says yes, and then kicks into a little bit of flight so we find ourselves running through the trees again back to the home paddock and his favorite shade tree where he again informs me he would like to resume his nap.

I tell all my students, when you are confronted with fight, flight or freeze in a relationship, take a moment, take a breath, take a walk, and then re-approach with more tact.

Neither Ari nor I want a relationship where our partner blindly says yes to everything we want, nor do we want a relationship where our partner gives up when we say no or our wants seem to be opposing.

Relationships are about finding common ground to stand on and common ideas to share.

If I was going to re-approach Ari with more tact I was going to need to tame the want I felt to take this walk out to a specific place in the woods, while setting the situation up so he could also tame his want to sleep under his favorite tree.

What is possible between us today in this moment?

With more tact and better feel I asked Ari to take just a few steps towards the woods, and then back up a step toward his favorite tree, and then we rested for a long while, doing only things well within our comfort zone.

Ari gets to nap and feel sleepy while I lean on him and rest my cheek on his back, enjoying the peace together. Sometimes when he looks a little grumpy I can stroke his neck or rock his body a little and cause a change of focus for the better and then we resume simply being together.

When I think the likely answer might be yes, I ask Ari for a few more steps out toward the woods but again, we stop before his wants and my wants run into each other.

Rest and repeat.

Slowly, gently, and peacefully Ari and I make our way out to the woods and the bucket that was my goal, two or three steps at a time with many rests to soak up the beauty of the day and allow Ari his desire to nap.

Ari makes room for my wants, but only when I tame them to what he thinks is a reasonable level. I make room for Ari’s wants while also encouraging him to tame his wants and be a little adaptable to mine.

When we take food rewards and tools of pressure out of the conversation with a horse, we start to see how to collaborate with them. We start to see that the horse’s wants are every bit as valid as our own wants and the coming together of their wants and our wants is the foundation of the relationship.

A year from now, I might be able to ask Ari to leave his napping plans to walk with me and he will happily put them aside for a while because he knows what I ask is reasonable. However, the way I prove to Ari consistently that my requests will be reasonable is to stay under the threshold of fight, flight and freeze as we work together.

Believe me, I am far from perfect and often my wild wants get the best of me. The point is, when I make a mistake and push Ari into fight, flight or freeze, I notice, take responsibility for my part in the equation and think my way through it to a better relationship.

The fun part is, I find horses learn by example. While I will get better at asking for reasonable things from Ari and tame my wants when I see I am provoking too much fight, flight or freeze, Ari will develop slowly and surely in the same way. When Ari sees that he is provoking too much fight, flight, or freeze in me, he will learn to tame his wants a little to find common ground with me.

A little at a time we will build and strengthen our collaborative desire to find common ground and common ideas to share, and that makes life more fun for both of us.

Ari and I were lucky enough to have someone filming this week as we navigated our way from his napping tree to my destination of choice out in the woods. I have put together a video of the process and posted it on Patreon. I encourage you to join us there for weekly video clips of inspiration and ongoing conversation about these ideas.

https://www.patreon.com/tamingwild

Collaboration with horses might be slower than training them using stronger methods, but the way it feels to develop together this way feeds my soul and builds a life I want to live. I am happy to share my musing and learning along the way and I appreciate the community you all contribute to when you take a moment to read or watch.

Life is better together, thank you!

Hooves and Heartbeats,

Elsa

TamingWild.com